It's no wonder so many children get everything they want

Know why? Because it's downright HARD to not give in to a sobbing child when you know exactly what will make them feel better.

Disclaimer: I'm about to go on and on about something that many of you will find boring and some of you will think I'm just ridiculous for worrying. So only read on if you want a play-by-play of today's parenting struggles.

I realized this morning while empathizing with another mom that I never fully appreciated the idea that "this is as hard or harder on me than it is on you." This line of what-I-thought-to-be crap might actually be true. Unfortunately, I had to suffer through one of those moments this afternoon.

It was nap-time, which is becoming more and more of a struggle as the weeks go by. I'll be the first to admit that I probably handled her sleeping habits all wrong from day one, but she gets two options: 1) I can rock her to sleep at nap-time or 2) I lay down with her until she falls asleep. She is never allowed to go back and forth between the two. I give her the option and what she decides is what we do.

Today she was particularly feisty. She wanted to rock, so we were rocking and she wouldn't sit still (because we all know what that would result in--sleep). So after telling her at least five times to sit down and be still, we were getting nowhere (and that included spanking*).

At this point, I'm frustrated, she's getting away with way too much, and I don't know what else I can do, so in comes option 3. I told her that if she didn't sit down and be still I was going to lay her in her bed alone and go to the other room.

Lots of wiggling and standing and kneeling.

I tell her again that she can either sit still and rock with me or I'm going to the other room. Pretty clear cut, right? Guess not.

I lay her in her bed, walk out of the room to regroup and not lose complete grip on my sanity. Instant screaming and fit throwing. Then it's quiet. Can't be good. Here she comes walking out to find me and just grins. Some of you may be laughing at this point, but trust me, nap-time is no joke! So I spank her and lay her back in bed.

[Repeat the last paragraph about 5 times and picture me trying my best not to join her with the tear-shed.]

By now she is sobbing--whole body sobs and I'm starting to struggle to keep my composure and not break down too. Through the midst of her sobs comes a feeble little "mommy, will you please hold my hand?"

[heart breaks here]

Think. Think. Think. If I give in and hold her hand, is my lesson less effective? Have I just wasted the past hour trying to teach her she needs to listen the first time and that I shouldn't have to repeat myself?

So I explain to her why she is laying in her bed alone and why I'm not going to lay down with her. I tell her that she needs to learn to listen and that I will come and hold her hand but I will not in any way lay down beside her to fall asleep. If she continues to not listen, I will go back out to the other room.

So I'm holding her hand for about 5 minutes and she sits up and asks if she can get up now. Another mini-lecture on "can't get up because you haven't taken a nap yet." More fit throwing. I leave the room.

I can hear her screaming and crying from the other end of the apartment. After a few minutes it turns back into semi-coherent requests and she says "mommy just please come hold my hand."

[heart breaks a little more]

This time, though, I didn't give in. I stayed out of her room a little longer and when I went back to check on her, she was still laying in her bed.

Okay, FINALLY something I can be pleased with. So I go in and sit on the chair and tell her I'll stay in the room with her until she falls asleep, and through the sobs I hear "momma, will you sing 'la la lu' and make me feel better please?"

[heart breaks even more and I fight back the tears unsuccessfully but close my eyes so she can't see]

Two hours after the start of this process, she fell asleep still sobbing and I'm left to wonder whether or not I'm teaching her or just breaking her poor little heart. Did I teach her she needs to listen or did she fall asleep feeling confused, hurt, and alone? Why is parenting so unclear? And why does no one have the answers?

Parenting itself is so lonely at times. I wanted to call someone to see what they would do but didn't want to bother anyone with what might seem petty to them (instead, I leave it for all of you to read about :)) and also because no one is supposed to know better than a parent how to teach their children. Yeah, if only it were that easy ...

*to all those who think I'm absolutely horrible for spanking, don't report me just yet. They are open-handed and on a diaper-padded bum. It is in no way abuse, just discipline. And usually much more effective than it was today.