Where did the summer go?

I thought May was busy, but June and July wouldn’t be persuaded to slow down either. I didn’t expect it to go slowly with Bailey starting school in 10 days!!! Ten days. Diez dias. Or maybe I should say it in Dutch (tien dagan), since half of her kindergarten class will be Amish. No matter how I say it, it still seems surreal.

What’s that about the Amish? As few of you know, I am temporarily moving in with the in-laws in Shipshewana so that I can work Bailey’s first year of school and we can save up to build the house we want on land we don’t currently have. This was a long, difficult decision process for us all, but the decision is made and we are sticking to it. Notice I said “I am temporarily moving in.” Tony will be staying in Terre Haute. Even typing the words makes my heart give a little extra squeeze. It will be difficult for sure, but we are confident enough in what we have to try.

The reactions of the people I have told run the gamut, 100% encouragement and confidence that we can make it work to anger, shock, frustration, annoyance, and maybe even some disappointment thrown in. Some people seem to have had multiple reactions (I hope not the 5 stages of grief!). And maybe it will come as a sort of consolation that my emotions are like a fart in a skillet too.

Which is why I am blogging about it. As the date approaches, my anxiety seems to be getting the better of me and expressing my thoughts in writing has always been a balm to my feelings. I have to keep reminding myself of her summer school teacher’s words: “Bailey really shines in a small setting.” I also throw in all the things I know about her for myself and feel like kindergarten in a small school could be just the transition she needs.

Some days I berate myself for not sending her to preschool (she has always been a bit of a loner and shies away from social settings), and some days I pat my own back for keeping her home with me for the extra year. I feel like once school begins, I have very limited time with this person I love beyond words and the thought is suffocating. Yes, I believe school will be good for her in many ways in addition to the education itself. But I also know she will change, not necessarily for the worse, but I wanted to live every day with her sweet personality unaltered by the cruelty of the world (as much as any parent can actually keep that from their child).

So while the decision to keep her home from preschool was mostly selfish, the decision to move in with my in-laws definitely isn’t … maybe karma working its way around … Don’t get me wrong. I love my in-laws dearly, but my selfish side wants to stay with my husband and not miss out on the (albeit brief) face to face conversations we have after the kids are asleep before calling it a night for ourselves. I honestly believe I am doing what’s best for Bailey, or I wouldn’t be doing it at all.

So that’s it, all laid out there for the world to judge.

Some days I envy the prestige of the military, when their absence from their families seems to inspire a kind of awe and gratitude that they would do something so huge for someone else. Maybe the difference is that this huge thing is for only a few people and not the whole nation (well, besides the fact I’m not putting my life on the line, if you can even put that aside). Still, I am peaceful when I think about my true motivation. My family. Or as the Amish might say, mijn gezin.
All prayers on our behalf are welcome :)

Oh, and I have failed to mention the fact that in order to help us save money, we are selling the house (hopefully) and Tony will be in an apartment. Other than the financial gain we'll get from that part of the plan, Tony won't have to worry about the upkeep of a house (mowing, blowing leaves, etc.) and will have more time for traveling to see us!